I have just gone into panic mode and completely lost sight of everything good that has been achieved by everybody who has been working so hard on my behalf for so long.
The IVA proposal is about to be sent off to the creditors and a date has been set for the meeting, which fortunately I don’t have to attend, otherwise I would now be just a quivering heap on the floor.
However, I was able to email my lifesaver, Nicola, at Women in Debt and she immediately sent back a lovely email full of reassurance and encouragement. I can’t imagine where I would be now if I hadn’t stumbled across their website. I can only urge anyone who is worried about their debts to have a look. I wish I had found them sooner and I wish I hadn’t taken so long to actually get on and do something about it all.
And Becky, from the accountancy firm who are dealing with the business end of things is brilliant too. Very efficient and yet still able to make me feel that she isn’t judging me. She sent a very reassuring reply to my panic-stricken email too, so I know that everyone only has my best interests at heart.
Anyway, the proposal will go out to the creditors and they will have the opportunity to either agree with it or question it, as far as I understand it. Then there will be the meeting, and I have to be available on the phone in case any changes need to be made, and then I suppose that’s it. I’m not sure what happens after that, and I’ve got a job to see even that far at the moment really.
But, there is one thing that I have noticed and it’s worth sharing. There are quite significant lengths of time now that I’m NOT thinking about my debts. I know this is true because something will spark off one of those dreadful black thoughts and I will suddenly realise that what that means is that I haven’t actually been thinking about the whole money thing for ages. And the other thing is that like earlier on when I got the email about the proposal being sent off, I felt absolutely dreadful. I felt sick, I was sweating, I had a sudden headache, I was so miserable that I almost felt it wasn’t worth even trying any more. But whereas in months gone by that feeling would have hooked onto me and stayed with me for days and days, I was able to take some positive actions, and see off the horrors with great speed. That’s not to say that I’m not nervous about the next couple of weeks, of course I am. There’s a lot to get though. However, I feel so much better equipped to deal with each situation as it arises and I know that soon there will be an end to this.
And that feels quite exciting.
“Each morning when I open my eyes I will say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet, I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.”
Believe it or not, that is a quote from Groucho Marx. And how brilliant is that.
with love from a calm (and still breathing) Pandora
